Be My Drug
by TarynCasey
Summary: DISCONTINUED AU. Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing that her secret was out. Maybe he could make it all better. He could be her new drug. DISCONTINUED
1. Gone

A first person from Sakura's view.

WARNING: drug use

If I owned Naruto it defiantly wouldn't be on Cartoon Network.

"speaking"

'thoughts'

'_inner thoughts_'

* * *

I flipped open my phone for the umpteenth time tonight.

10:32 PM

I took them twenty-one minutes ago; Ryou said I should be feeling something by now. I felt antsy all I could do was think about the high that was minutes away. Something was obviously wrong; after fifteen minutes I was supposed to already be feeling something. Perhaps I hadn't taken enough.

10:39 PM

This was ridiculous. He said fifteen pills would be more than enough but I just feel tired, anxious, and pissed. Though I'm sure that last one is not the drugs doing. Ryou must be a total light weight or something.

Well I did not buy those for nothing, I was getting high tonight. Refusing to give up now, I walked across the room and grabbed my bag. It was red backpack covered with stars I had drawn on with a pen. It used to be my bag for school, these days it felt like an oversized pill case. I reached into the front pocket and pulled out the box of Benadryl I had bought earlier today. I sat back down on my bed, pulling out the remaining pills. I checked my phone again.

10:42 PM

There were twenty-four pills in that box and I was taking all of them. Frantically, I began popping all of them out of the foil rapping, as if I was in a hurry. I grabbed my water bottle off my night stand and threw a few into my mouth, drank, swallowed. I looked at the heap of little pink pills sitting on my bed. I was surprised when I found myself actually nervous. I couldn't remember the last time drugs made me feel apprehensive. 'Suck it up' I told myself. I grabbed the rest and shoved them in my mouth angry at myself for waiting this long to take them.

10:50 PM

In one hour I would be _gone_. Suddenly I couldn't wait. The nerves had been replaced with excitement and anticipation. Not wanting to sit around for an hour watching the clock, I grabbed the TV remote. After going through the channels twice I settled for some cartoon. I was lost, this show obviously was fairly far into the series and I had no idea what was going on. I grabbed my phone yet again.

11:23 PM

The numbers looked so fuzzy it was hard to read them. I went back to my little cartoon. I kept checking my phone out of habit. I found I couldn't comprehend what the numbers meant. The minutes were going by, that much I could tell. I think I was watching a different show now, though it was so hard to concentrate on what the characters were doing. I felt so incredibly tired and weird. It wasn't unpleasant though, just different. There was a boy on the TV, looking directly at me saying something that I wasn't listening to. A fly landed on the screen. Or had it already been there? Maybe it was part of this show; I didn't know how to make the difference. The background behind the boy started moving. The stripes looked like they were dancing. It reminded me of the night I took shrooms. It was then that I remembered I had taken a ton of Benadryl.

'Oh! Whoa, I totally forgot!' I was talking to myself per usual. I checked my phone again and gave up when I couldn't read the time. I tried watching the TV once again. I almost wanted to laugh at how difficult it was to pay attention, but laughing somehow seemed like it would take too much effort. That was when I noticed Kakashi climbing around my TV set. How annoying. Couldn't he see I was trying to watch something? What a jerk, what was he doing anyways? He looked like a lizard like that. I was about to say something when I realized he wasn't real. He disappeared in the blink of an eye, literally. 'How weird.'

I noticed Ino out of the corner of my eye, sitting on my bed watching that cartoon with me.

"What are we watching?" she asked me.

I didn't look at her when I answered, "I havvvvve…" Whoa, it was so hard to talk! Why was this taking so much effort? For whatever reason I concluded she could here what I said in my mind.

'I have no idea.'

"I think it's that one show you used to watch in sixth grade. You remember?" I couldn't see her when she said this; my pillows were in the way. Not like I was trying to look anyway, moving around was troublesome. I felt like someone had turned up the gravity and my body weighed ten times more.

'Yeah,' I replied.

We kept talking but there is no way I was making any sense. Finally, I turned to look at her. I saw the pillows and it hit me; she was never there in the first place. This was aggravating, I had been talking to her for the longest time and she didn't even hear it. No one heard it, I was talking to myself. My God, I was high.

Dad was calling me form across the house but I couldn't understand him. 'What was he saying?' I opened my mouth, preparing to shout back at him. 'Oh my God, I'm hearing things.' This was funny.

I think I blacked out or something because all of the sudden I was talking to Shikamaru. He was leaning against my dresser saying something about how he was really bored. I was agreeing with him, silently of course. I was still under the impression people could read my mind. Then right when I realized he was a hallucination, he disappeared. This was kind of starting to piss me off; this had happened how many times tonight?

Next thing I knew I was on the phone with Chouji. We were talking for what must have been hours. I'm not even sure what we were saying. Then it occurred to me that there was probably no one on the other end of that phone. I took my hand away from my ear to see. Not only was no one on the phone, there was no phone in my hand. Ok this was getting old and I was tired, _so_ tired. I was going to bed.

I got up to change into my pajamas. Walking was basically impossible, I was going to fall over I just knew it. 'Wait, do I have to go to the bathroom?' I honestly couldn't tell. I decided I probably should and miraculously made my way to the bathroom. After changing, I turned off the light and got into bed. I found myself looking around the room, scared of what I was sure was lurking in the shadows. It didn't make sense; I hadn't been scared of the dark since third grade. My thought process stopped when I saw him. He was standing at the foot of my bed. It was too dark to see who he was and I was too terrified to ask. He was coming closer, reaching out to me. Screaming didn't even occur to me. I squeezed my easy shut hoping he would go away. 'He isn't real. He isn't real.' I was repeating like a mantra.

* * *

I was on my way to school still thinking about last night.

'I'm not even sure I would want to do it again. But I've never been that gone before. My reality has never been that twisted. A part of me wants that again; to be that _gone_.'

Not paying attention to where I was going I almost tripped over rock on the sidewalk.

'Ok I need to pay more attention.'

'_Yeah, no kidding, that could have been really embarrassing._'

'Haven't heard from you in a while.'

'_It happens._'

I was brought back to reality when I herd Ino calling me over.

'I'm already at school? I really _do_ need to pay attention.'

I gave her a friendly smile and sauntered over to her, Shikamaru, and Chouji. They were my closest friends, had been since I was five. They had no idea about the little adventures I went on. They had no clue that I even knew a Ryou. They had no inkling that Ryou had gotten me into drugs a year ago. I don't plan on them, or anyone else finding out.

"So what'd you do over the weekend, Sakura?" Ino was obviously trying to start a conversation.

"Not much, hung out at home bored. You do anything?" I knew she believed me, they always did.

* * *

Is it bad? This will end up being a romance but I needed to introduce Sakura as a drug user first. 


	2. The Best Day of the Year

"talking"

'thoughts'

'_inner thoughts_'

_**flashback**_

**_

* * *

_**

I woke up not wanting to arise from bed. Today is October 1st and I'm not sure I _can_ get out of bed today.

My mom and I had always loved October. It was when the leaves started changing and everything was beautiful. It was the month of Halloween when I would go trick or treating with my friends. It was our favorite month and the 1st was our made up holiday.

Today, every year, I spent the day with Mom. It was the best day out of the year because I spent it with my best friend. She would stay home from work and let me ditch school. We would go shopping or cook together, see a movie. It never mattered to me; it was always fun and I always loved it.

Only now, this day was hard to get through. Every second was a constant reminder that she was gone. I wanted my mother back and I hated cancer for taking her from me. I know today, that is all I will be able to think about. Bitter sweet memories will be flying through my mind all day. Concentrating on school work will be near impossible but I'm going anyway. I was going to suck it up and get through the day. I was stronger than this, I _had_ to be.

I walked out the front door and headed for school. Dad had left an hour ago for work, he worked in reconstruction. I followed the same path I did everyday; trying to think of anything but Mom. It wasn't that I didn't have a car; I did. But gas prices were high and I was spending my pay check on other things. The school was close anyways; it's not like it mattered. Talking with old people for a few hours didn't earn you much. Maybe if I had a job that paid more I wouldn't have to walk. Walking home from school is what got me started in the mess. It was crazy to think that it was almost a year ago.

_**I can't believe Kurenai-Sensei gave me detention! Me, Haruno Sakura, detention! Since when does drawing on a desk get you sitting in Kakashi-Sensei's classroom for an **_**hour**_** after school? It was ridiculous. I didn't belong here anyways, bad kids went to detention; not me. I mean, I'm in here with that Ryou kid. He is obviously a druggie, everyone talks about it. He **_**looked**_** like a druggie. He was a skinny teenager with messy brown hair and numerous facial piercings. He was one of those kids that you knew had a tattoo hidden under that over-used jacket that they wore everyday. And Ryou always had a certain look on his face. It was as if he was somewhere else completely, he was disconnected from this world. **_

_**Kakashi-Sensei wasn't even watching us anyways, he was too absorbed in that book. Lord knows what things were written in there. I scoffed at the idea.**_

_**I looked down at my desk when I heard a soft thud. **_

'_**Did Ryou just pass me a note? Weird.'**_

_**I opened it, trying to do so quietly. **_

_Haruno, this is the perfect opportunity to sneak out. There is no way Sensei is looking up from that book._

_**He was totally serious; he wanted me to ditch detention with him? I almost said no until I thought about Dad. He didn't know I had gotten detention. If I got home soon enough, he would never find out. I could tell him I was just talking with Ino for a few minutes after school. He wouldn't have to be disappointed in me. I didn't disserve to be here anyways. It was settled, I was leaving.**_

_**I looked over at Ryou and nodded my head. A grin spread across his face, he was clearly pleased I was agreeing to this.**_

_**I looked up at Kakashi-Sensei; Ryou was totally right. I arose from my seat very slowly and started walking towards the door as if trying not to frighten an animal. There was no way he didn't see us; he must really not care. **_

'_**Awesome!' **_

_**Once we were out the door I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Ryou noticed and seemed amused by this. I ignored him and started walking out of the building, Ryou was trailing behind me.**_

"_**You don't get in trouble much do you?" He said it like it was funny.**_

"_**Never."**_

"_**You can tell."**_

_**Of course you could tell, that was my whole point.**_

"_**Exactly, I did not need to be there."**_

"_**Why **_**were**_** you there?" He sounded honestly curious.**_

_**I sighed, "Writing on a freaking desk! How stupid is that?"**_

_**I had started taking my route home without realizing. Ryou was, for whatever reason, still walking with me.**_

"_**That's pretty lame."**_

"_**Seriously, like I need anymore crap in my life." He nodded, silently agreeing with me. **_

_**Then I wondered, did **_**he**_** really disserve to be in there? Was he truly what the school perceived him as?**_

"_**Umm, Ryou…do you…" How did you ask someone if they were a drug addict?**_

_**He was looking at me, waiting.**_

"_**Use drugs?" I finished finally. **_

_**He looked like he was about to laugh at me again, "If your asking if I'm the person everyone thinks I am the answer is no."**_

_**That confused me a bit; I wasn't sure what that meant.**_

_**He noticed the look on my face and continued, "But yes, I do drugs. But I'm not some low life addict that has thrown everything away, as if anyone at school could see that."**_

_**I was quiet now; not really knowing what to say. **_

_**He must have taken my silence as understanding, "It's not all bad though. When I'm high it doesn't even matter." I wasn't sure why Ryou was opening up to me like this but I was glad.**_

"_**Nothing does," he finished. **_

_**That caught my attention. **_

'_**Nothing mattered?' I liked the sound of that; everything fading away until you could just be.**_

_**He looked over at me now, scanning my face for a reaction. Though I'll never be sure what he saw, he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. I looked down at his closed fist. **_

"_**If you ever want to know that feeling…" He held out his fist, urging me to take what was in his hand. Without even thinking, I held my hand out to him. He dropped in a few white round pills. My brows furrowed together in confusion. I looked up to meet Ryou's gaze.**_

"_**Perkasets, if you ever want more, come find me." And with that he walked away, leaving me speechless.**_

_**Later that night, I found myself thinking about Mom. I was trying so hard to convince myself that drugs were bad, bad people did drugs. But I didn't want to believe that anymore, I wanted to justify it. I wanted it to be okay so that I could make the pain stop. So that nothing would matter anymore. I kept telling myself to just wash the pills down the sink; I didn't need them. I was only lying to myself, I wanted them and I felt like I needed them. Everything changed after that.**_

I walked pass the neighborhood park. Something jabbed my heart when I remembered playing there with Mom as a child.

'No, think about something else!' I scolded myself. I didn't want to remember; it hurt too much to remember. Was it normal for it to sting this intensely, three years later?

* * *

School had dragged on and I knew I hadn't been myself today. Ino knew what today was, so we automatically started walking to her family's flower shop after school got out. She helped me pick out the right flowers, ones my mother would have liked. I managed to hold my tears while doing so. 

"See you later, Ino."

She hugged me goodbye, "Take care of yourself Sakura, I love you."

"You too," I turned to leave the shop.

"You're sure you don't want me to come along?" She knew the answer, but asked anyway.

"I'm sure," and I headed toward the cemetery. This was our day and I was spending part of it with her.

* * *

When I reached my mother's grave I noticed one other person in the cemetery. He attended my school; he was in my Language Arts class. Uzumaki Naruto, that was his name, I was sure of it. We had been going to the same school for three years although we never talked much. I hadn't realized he'd lost someone. 

I knelt down in front of Mom's grave. I reached out to touch the grave marker. I may have been strong at the flower shop but the walls were gone now.

"Mom, I miss you so much. I wish you were here with me, we could celebrate our holiday together," I set the roses down on the grass.

"I hope you like them; Ino helped me pick them out," tears were streaming down my cheeks.

"You remember that time when we went to the arcade and played karaoke?" I laughed at the memory.

"Man we sucked," my face was soaked.

"I wanted to let you know that Dad and I are doing good. We'll never stop missing you though," I was sobbing. How pathetic I must have looked.

"God Mom, come back to me. I want to hug you again, hear your voice. I want to hear you say you love me again," I tried whipping away the tears but they kept coming. The agony was overwhelming. I wanted it to stop.

'If I could just get high right now, I would...' I stopped myself mid sentence. This was our day; I was _not_ going to ruin it with drugs! No matter how great the heartache was. Mom wouldn't want be getting _high_ on our holiday. I soon grew enraged at myself for even thinking it. I was so _so_ angry.

Disgusted with myself I jumped up on my feet, "I'm sorry Mom, I have to go." I was crying again. I took off running out of the cemetery and I kept running. I had no idea where I was going, but I couldn't be here. I didn't disserve to be in that cemetery.

'What is wrong with me?!' I could feel the wind on my face, drying my tears. I was so upset I tripped over my own shoelaces. I hit the sidewalk, face first.

Had I been in a better mood, I might have laughed at myself. I looked at my hands, they were scrapped up and my nose must have been bleeding. I whipped my nose with my sleeve and winced from the pain. It was then that I noticed a set of foot steps getting closer. How embarrassing, why did I have to be such a klutz? I looked over my shoulder to find Uzumaki Naruto running over to me.

He reached his arm out for me to take, anger now completely forgotten I let him help me up.

"Are you alright?" He sounded truely concerned for me.

"I'm fine, thanks." I was about to ask if he had followed me from the cemetery when he spoke.

"If you don't mind me asking, what was that about?" He was obviously talking about me crying hysterically and randomly taking off. I hadn't thought about the chances of someone watching when I did that.

"Oh, umm…it's… well," Oh my God I wasn't making any sense.

I took a deep breath and tried again, "I was there to visit my mom's grave and I got overly upset."

His eyes were calculating, he was completely consumed in what I was saying. A thought occurred to me, why _had_ he followed me all this way.

Before he could say anything else, "Why'd you run after me anyways?"

For a split second he looked embarrassed, like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Then he actually grinned and scratched the back of his neck. This little chat was making me feel better already. I was willing to admit, at least to myself, that he looked totally cute like that. I had almost forgotten I asked him a question I herd him speak.

"You just looked really upset and I…" He mumbled something else.

'Dude, is he blushing?'

'_Holly crap, yea!_'

I smiled at him, he was grinning from ear to ear.

"So you're okay now?"

"I'll be fine," I assured him.

"Were you going somewhere?"

"Home I guess. I wasn't planning anything…"

"How's ramen sound?" He looked hopeful.

"Bomb," I grinned.

* * *

Love it? Hate it? Well, she talked to Naruto and that's progress. Hope this chapter wasn't confusing. 


	3. Stranger

I know this chapter didn't come out as quickly as the last but I've been having back-to-back migraines for the last few days. Which is pretty normal for me but still totally sucks. Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter; I had tons of fun writing it. Thanks for all the reviews you guys have been leaving me.

"talking"

'thoughts'

* * *

We had started walking to the supposable 'best restaurant in Konaha'. Naruto had sounded so sure of himself I didn't argue.

"Whoa, Sakura!" His eyes were big as saucers, he had stopped walking.

"Hmm?" What was he freaking out about?

"There's blood all over your jacket!" I followed his stare, sure enough there was.

"Oh, right. That's from when I fell earlier; my nose had been bleeding." I looked back at his face, all shock now replaced with concern.

"And you're sure you're alright?"

I rolled my eyes, "I'm _fine_. Now weren't we going somewhere?"

"I almost forgot, let's go!" My God, this boy must love ramen.

When we reached the ramen shop I was surprised I recognized it, "Hey I pass this place when I walk to school!"

"Really? Where do you live?" He had an innocent look on his face, like it was perfectly normal to ask people you hardly knew where they lived. But it wasn't like we were complete strangers…

"Over by the park," I watched him sit on one of the stools in front of us and sat next to him.

He looked up at the cook, "Two miso ramen!"

He returned his attention to me, "You'll like it, trust me."

"Naruto, if you don't mind me asking; who were you visiting at the cemetery?"

"I want to show you something," I gave him a questioning look as he started removing his jacket. He pulled up his right shirt sleeve.

"No way, you have a tattoo?" He had a huge grin on his face, clearly pleased with my reaction. Naruto liked to shock people and I must have a retarded look on my face.

I examined the tattoo, reaching out to touch his arm subconsciously; a heart set aflame. It wasn't a heart like the ones you drew on your notebook in class. It was a human heart and it was on fire. This was the first time in my life I ever considered describing something as 'poetically badass', "I like it."

He explained the image for me, "My dad was a firefighter, a building collapsed on him. I was seven; I got the tattoo last year."

I gave him a sympathetic look, "My mother died three years ago from cancer."

"My mom died giving birth to me," we shared an understanding gaze for a few moments; only to be brought back to reality when our food was set in front of us.

He fixed his sleeve and started devouring his food.

I laughed at him, "Geez Naruto slow down!"

He tore himself away from the ramen for a second to make that face again. If I had to describe it I'd say he was grinning embarrassedly. He was scratching the back of his neck too; he really did cute like that. I smiled genuinely at him.

"Do you always eat like that?" I teased him.

"Pretty much," he admitted.

I rolled my eyes and continued eating. Naruto obviously finished eating before me.

"Hey Sakura?" I pushed my bowl forward, full.

"Yea?" I noticed he had put his jacket back on and paid for the meal.

"You wanna go to the park?" I laughed; we both knew the park was more like a play ground for little kids then anything else. We had no business being there, but there were swings and I loved the swings.

"Defiantly," we got up and turned towards the park.

"I remember coming to here every Saturday with my mom and dad," we were only a couple yards from the swings. I was tempted to run over to them like I used to as a child. I looked up at Naruto and grinned, "Come on!"

I grabbed his hand and took off running, laughing as I did. He was laughing too.

"Awesome, the swings were my favorite!" He sat down on one, looking much too big for it.

"Mine too," I said with a smile and took the swing next to him.

"Let's go super high, till the chain whips!"

"Bet I can get higher than you," he taunted.

'Boys and their competitiveness,' I mused to myself.

"You're on!" He was so going to lose. I could feel the swing set move with us, I could hear the chain whip. This was the life. I was giggling like a five year old but having way too much fun to care.

Clearly we were tied and if we didn't stop soon the swing set was going to break.

Naruto must have noticed too, "Ok, who ever jumps the farthest wins."

With that I flew out of my swing.

'I really was going high!'

I hit the ground with a thud, and then I heard Naruto land beside me. I looked up to realize I'd lost.

"Owned!" Did he have to rub it in my face?

I crossed my arms over my chest, "Fine you win." He got up and walked over to me offering me his hand. Déjà vu.

I took it and stood, brushing the sand off of me. I looked around me to find the sun had set. Where did the day go?

"Crap, what time is it?!" Dad was probably worried.

Naruto looked at the watch on his wrist, "It's seven thirty. You need to be somewhere?"

"Yea, home. My dad's gunna want to know where I've been all day."

"Well you said you live over here, let me walk you."

"Umm yea, just down the street," we left the park and headed to my house.

"Your dad's not going to be angry is he?"

"No, he knows that today I would be at Mom's grave for a while. He'll just wonder why I was there _this_ long."

He looked interested, "Right, is today the day your mother died?"

"No, we had made up a holiday today because we liked October so much. It's not at all the same but I still like to spend it with her." I smiled at the memories. He nodded in understanding.

"Here it is," I stepped up onto my porch.

"I had fun today Naruto, thank you for making me feel better," we smiled at each other.

"I'll see you tomorrow Sakura," he stepped closer to give me a hug. He was so warm and smelled amazing. We separated and he turned to walk home.

"Bye Naruto," he waved at me and I went inside.

* * *

Later that night, I lay in bed thinking through my day. I was such a wreck earlier and he had somehow made it all better. Naruto was a really great guy; I only wished I had found out sooner. We could probably be best friends by now. Never have I ever been so thankful for a mental breakdown; had I not stormed out of the cemetery, Naruto probably would never have talked to me. I remember earlier how I thought it strange of him to ask me where I lived. Well we defiantly didn't feel like strangers now. It was odd for me to have been this happy today. I felt like I owed Naruto for making it the best October 1st since Mom had died. But a simple 'thank you' just wouldn't cut it. 

I drifted to sleep after that, dreaming of messy blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes.

* * *

I hope this didn't seem rushed. 


	4. Trial and Error

"talking"

'thoughts'

'_inner thoughts_'

So how was your Thanksgiving break? I was sure mine was going to be totally lame but was happily proved wrong. I hope you know I am sick and still took the time to write this for you guys. Lol, I'm such a bitch. Anyways, here's the latest chapter, enjoy.

* * *

"Come on Ino, let's sit with them," I pleaded. I wasn't exactly sure why I wanted to eat lunch with Naruto this badly but it seemed harmless enough. If only Ino could see that it was a good idea…

"What brought this on all of the sudden Forehead?" The insult could be forgotten for now; I had some persuading to do.

"Ino, I'm sure Shikamaru and Chouji won't mind and I _know_ you wouldn't mind sitting by Sasuke," I was so totally right. She had a crush on Sasuke; it was no secret. And seeing as how Sasuke and Naruto were best friends, this would work out for the both of us.

"Fine, we'll sit with them but under one condition," why couldn't she make this easy?

I quirked an eye brow at her, "Yes?"

"You have to tell me why you want to sit with them so badly," Ino shut her locker and looked at me expectantly.

"Well…" why did she have to ask _that_ question? How did I explain what happened yesterday? I didn't quite understand it myself. It was like we went from strangers to friends in a few hours. But I refused to think of it that way; it sounded ridiculous. Relationships are built up, not created out of thin air. Maybe that happened to some people. But I wasn't sure; I never really made friends. Ino and I had become friends in kindergarten; I could hardly remember how our friendship started. Shikamaru and Chouji were more her friends than mine; their parents knew each other in high school.

Maybe I had just made a new friend and it was as simple as that.

Ino was obviously tired of waiting for my response and her ill informed mind had made one for me, "Don't tell me you like Sasuke?!"

Ino was always jumping to conclusions, "No Ino-Pig, I just want to hangout with Naruto."

"So it's _Naruto_ you like?" this is what I mean, jumping to conclusions.

"Wrong again, I just saw him at my mother's grave yesterday and we talked. Can we sit with them now?" I let out an exasperated sigh, tired of this conversation.

"Why didn't you call me and tell me?!" Dear God, I did not feel like dealing with this today. I needed to go home, take a couple muscle relaxers and enjoy the ride.

"I don't know, I didn't think it was much to talk about," truthfully I just didn't want to deal with _this_.

"Well obviously it was," I rolled my eyes.

Thankfully, we had gotten to our Spanish class; this game of twenty questions was over.

* * *

I had actually been a little nervous about sitting with Naruto at lunch. I was half expecting Sasuke to tell us all to fuck off. Not that he looked incredibly happy we were there; at least he was putting up with us. Well, more like putting up with Ino's flirting. I had a feeling he was doing it for Naruto. Who thankfully, did seem glad we were there.

"So Sakura-Chan, what made you decide to sit with us?" that was just the question of the day, wasn't it?

'When had he added the suffix?' leaving that for now, I tried to find a good answer to this question I was begging to hate.

"No reason, just sounded like fun," there I technically wasn't lying, it _had_ sounded like fun.

Trying not to bore him I attempted to start a conversation, "Did you see previews for that movie coming out, _The Mist_?"

Sasuke cut in from across the table, "Yea somebody told me it sucked, don't see it."

"Really? Man that sucks," I honestly had wanted to see it.

"Yea but _Awake_ looks good!" Naruto added.

"Dude, I'm totally gunna see that! That movie looks crazy!" see, this was why I like Naruto. He was so hyper and friendly, he had happiness radiating off of him. It was contagious and I loved it.

"We should see it when it comes out!" Naruto looked excited by the idea.

"Totally!" how I cherished this warming radiation.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ino smirk, she defiantly heard that.

'Lord knows what thoughts are going through her head.'

'_You _know_ she's going to act like it's a date._'

'Of course she will, she'll try and take us shopping for it and everything.'

I was broke from my thoughts when Naruto took my hand and started writing something on it.

'His phone number?'

He released my hand and I examined it. Yep, it was.

"It's my home phone so don't call too late; my dad will be pissed."

'I though his dad had died.'

I looked up at him in confusion, "Well, Iruka's not my _real_ dad."

Of course, someone must have watched him after his father had passed. Now I felt stupid.

"Adopted?" I wanted to get it straight while the subject was open.

"Yeah, Iruka's awesome; he really cares about me."

I smiled at that, glad to know he had some form of a real family.

* * *

I had six pretty little pills in my hand, ready to swallow them down. There was always that miniscule moment of apprehension before tossing pills into my mouth. It wasn't as if I had a reason to hesitate, nothing had ever gone wrong. But my subconscious must have known somehting could, always causing this millisecond moment of nerves before I sucked it up and took them; just as I did now.

Anxiety now replaced with excitement once again. I waited, but waiting always sucked. It was worse when trying something new; because you didn't now what to expect. I knew exactly how I was about to feel. However, that didn't mean this didn't suck. I used to be such a patient person, oh how that had changed.

My mind began to wander.

The day always seemed such a blur after dinner. There was nothing left to mark the time that passed. Nothing I needed to do, so I enjoyed myself. One of the few ways I knew how, that always seemed to cloud the rest of my night. Not in the sense that I forgot what had occurred. Rather that I wasn't completely there. I was off in another world; one that wasn't so hectic and arduous.

This world was better in my opinion, for the most part. One thing I didn't like about this world was the inescapable dependency I had developed for it. In reality, I wasn't addicted to drugs. At least my body wasn't, I would never go through withdrawal. I was smart enough to steer away from drugs with those side effects. But mentally, I couldn't say the same.

Drugs were in my every thought, my most treasured escape. When I had a bad day, they were the solution. When I missed my mother, they were the answer. I have come into the habit of using when I am merely bored. It was part of me now; not something I could just walk away from, especially when I needed them this much.

Maybe today I could have gone without them; but what about tomorrow? Who knows what hellish pain I could go through, or how about the next day? I only took comfort in the fact that, no matter the hour, Ryou would have something for me. Even if I didn't have money on me, he would gladly let me pay him back later.

I felt the pills take some effect. My body was less tense, I could feel myself become less alert. I continued with my pondering.

The biggest downside was that this wasn't the way I wanted to handle the pain. I wanted to be like Ino, comforted by little things like shopping, chick flicks, and sleepovers. I wanted to be a normal teenager that knew how to deal with things properly. I didn't want this to be my life.

So why couldn't I stop?

One theory was that this was the only way to be happy. But honestly, I didn't feel happy. There was still a gaping whole in my heart, the one my mother left behind. Some part of me must have thought I could fill it. I think I'm just gnawing at the edges. I'm not filling anything and nothing is getting better. I was just temporarily numbing the pain. Once the high was gone the whole had enlarged. But I still won't learn my lesson.

I just keep trying new pills; seeing how high this one will get me, how great this one will make me feel.

I just wish I had a way to make it all better; a way that was acceptable, as _this_ was not. But until I found something else; something that worked properly, something that not only numbed but made me happy, I was a drug user.

How I hated what I had become in this past year. This self loathing was getting rather old and so was this life.

And yet here I am, waiting for the pills to fully kick in so I can forget about this for the time being. So everything can be okay again, if only for a moment.

* * *

Music can be oh so inspirational. Madre, thanks for helping my writter's block. 


	5. Told You So

Sorry that it's been over a week. Time just has been flying lately and I really didn't realize it had been that long. But I had a ton of fun writing this and now it's four in the morning and I have school. Just great.

"talking"

'thoughts'

'_inner thoughts_'

* * *

The week had carried on rather nicely. I, being ever so pessimistic, was sure it was going to suck. I was pleasantly proved wrong. I assumed my idea of eating lunch with Naruto and Sasuke was going to backfire and slap me in the face like everything else. But once I had convinced Ino to cool it with the flirting and she reluctantly agreed, things had been quite nice at their table. Well actually, they had been awesome. 

I really enjoyed Naruto's company. Although Ino and I had been friends for years, she didn't shed happiness like Naruto. Not that I was looking to replace Ino by any means. She had always been there for me and I would forever be there for her. For our friendship to have lasted this long already, it is something I will perpetually cherish.

So the fact that lunch with Naruto could potentially make everyday a good one, made this week rock.

And seeing how it was Saturday, I planned to go see _Awake_ with my little ball of sunshine. I was going to call him up and check with him then call Ino so she could do my hair and help pick out my outfit.

'The things I do for her' I chuckled to myself.

It wasn't entirely true; I liked it when she did my hair. What I didn't like was her perception of a date. The way Ino viewed it; every time you hung out with a guy (Shikamaru and Chouji excluded) it was a date. Don't ask me where she got the idea, but she is never going to let it go. And _that_ is why I was looking at her coming over today a favor for her. Not to mention, wouldn't me wanting her help imply that I too thought it was a date?

So after breakfast with Dad I headed back to my room and began rummaging through my backpack. I pulled out my pretty little pill case. I picked it up at the dollar store; this thing was so useful. I opened it up to recount how many I had.

'Six. Perfect, take four snort two.'

I was finding Perkasets were my favorite drug these days; though I had no idea why. I was doing them a lot.

I turned on my radio and cranked up the volume. Loud enough so my Dad wouldn't hear me if he happened to walk by; quiet enough that I wouldn't give him a reason to come in here. I had been doing drugs for a year now and I hadn't got caught yet. I had no plans of changing that.

I grabbed my water bottle that was sitting on my desk and took the four I had set aside. I sat down in my desk chair and grabbed the house phone off the receiver.

'Call Naruto, snort these, and then call Ino.'

I looked around my cluttered desk for the paper I had copied his number onto. Realizing I had left it in my notebook I opened it up to a page covered in doodles, random phrases and… Naruto's number. I dialed and checked to make sure I had punched in the right numbers.

I always thought the rings on phones were too boring.

"Hello?" That was not Naruto's voice, must be Iruka.

"Uhh yea, is Naruto there?"

"Yes he is, hold on."

I heard him yell away from the phone, "Naruto, phone call!"

"Yeah?" There was my little happy machine.

"Naruto, what's up?"

"Oh, hey Sakura-Chan! Not, much. You?" See, _happy_; he's practically beaming for no reason.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go see _Awake_ today?" Eww, I just sounded really hopeful.

"Defiantly! What time d'you wanna go?"

"Umm later, like around five. I'm pretty sure the movie is showing all day."

"That works; I'll pick you up at like 4:30."

"Sweet, I'll catch you then," as much as I loved Naruto; I really wanted to snort this.

"Okay, bye Sakura-Chan."

"Bye."

'Hello beautiful Perkasets.'

I broke them in half and in half again. I grabbed my lighter out of my drawer. I didn't smoke cigarettes or anything and I wasn't much of a pothead, but I had candles in my room and they came in handy. Like for this.

I used the bottom to break up them into little bits, scooting them in a pile with my license.

Taking the lighter again and grinding the clumps into powder with it. It worked almost like a rolling pin.

I opened my drawer a seconded time to grab a straw I had cut short for this. It seemed pathetic even to me that I kept everything handy. But it was easier this way, even if I knew it shouldn't be.

I started making lines with my license; thin and long ones were always smoother.

This was why I had the music, so Dad wouldn't hear me sniffing like a crack head as I am now. I loved the way the high hit you in almost an instance; much sooner than swallowing them.

The lines had disappeared one by one. I frowned looking down at my desk; I had done them all.

I sometimes wondered what it would be like if my friends were to do this with me. I pictured Shikamaru tapping my shoulder "Can I have a line?" I laughed at the thought.

* * *

"Ino, I am _not_ wearing that skirt tonight," I crossed my arms in protest. 

"Oh, come on Sakura, I got it for you _months_ ago and I never see you wear it," Ino whined. There was a _reason_ why I didn't wear it that much.

"Ino, not everyone has the confidence that you do," that skirt was totally cute, but it was also revealing. It was pretty fucking short and I didn't want to look like a hoe.

Ino having read my mind, assured me otherwise, "Sakura, you won't look skanky if you wear that shirt with it." She nodded her head to the shirt lying on my bed.

She was right, that shirt showed _nothing_, it was long-sleeved for crying out loud. But then again, that was probably true about all my shirts. My mom had once said 'If you got it, flaunt it', I didn't have much to flaunt.

I sighed in exasperation, "Fine Ino, I'll wear it." One problem with Perkasets; they always seemed to have me on edge. My moods would change dramatically too and they were usually very extreme.

She squealed, obviously happy I agreed, "Great, now change while I pick out your shoes!"

I started switching into the outfit Ino practical made me wear.

When I really thought about it; Ino was kind of happy all the time too. But it was different with Naruto; his was contagious and so much more pleasant than this. This was almost annoying but still kind of nice; like you were glad she was happy but sort of irritated as to why.

"Sakura, you need more shoes," Ino called from my closet.

I rolled my eyes at that as she appeared with a pair of flip flops that matched my top.

After putting the shoes on I took a look in the mirror. I looked pretty cute.

"What do you say?" Ino could be so cocky.

"Thank you Ino," I really was. There is no way I could have done _this_ on my own. My hair was done and everything. I looked at Ino's face in the mirror, she was smirking. Somehow she always knew what I was thinking.

* * *

Just 'cause I was treating it like a date didn't mean it was. So why was I so frikken nervous? I swear my hands were shaking while I wrote a note for Dad. He was working, like usual, and I forgot to tell him I'd be gone tonight. I loved notes, they were awesome. It was like I could take off whenever and justify it by leaving a note. I smiled to myself.When Naruto pulled up I heard his car and started heading to the door, he beat me to it. I opened the front door and looked over Naruto; apparently I wasn't the only one who looked cute tonight. We both smiled at each other as I stepped outside. Tonight was going to be fun. 

We hopped into his truck and headed towards the theater. Neither of us said much, we were zoned into the music on the radio.

I am in love with music; we have been married for ten years and I am never leaving my beautiful husband. His lyrics reach out to my soul and his beat makes me want to dance.

Naruto laughed at me as I tried to explain this.

"You couldn't even leave him for _me_?" He said jokingly, a grin plastered to his face.

'I _have_ to be blushing.' "I don't know, music is pretty amazing," my smile was teasing.

"Guess I've got a lot to compete with then."

'God I wish he wasn't kidding.' "Bet your ass you do," my cheeks were going to be hurting by the end of tonight.

We turned back to the music but my mind was elsewhere.

'Someone tell me what just happened!'

'_You two were totally just flirting!_'

'You can _not_ be right. What's more confusing is how much I want to believe you.'

We pulled up to the theater and parked.

"Dude, I have been wanting to see this movie so bad; you have no idea." We started walking to the ticket stand.

"Me too!" I almost laughed at how excited he was.

After we had got the tickets and delicious snackage we found our seats; all the way at the top. Is there a better spot to sit?

* * *

The movie hadn't been quite as intense as I was expecting, but defiantly still a good movie. Naruto agreed with me. 

"Sakura-Chan, I have the best idea!"

"Yes?" I inquired.

"We're going to Wal-Mart!" I could _not_ suppress that laugh.

"And _why_ is that 'the best idea?" I was going to start laughing again.

"Come on Sakura-Chan, we'll mess around there!"

Not wanting the night to end yet, I agreed, "Alright, crazy. Let's go to Wal-Mart."

He grinned and we got back in his truck.

* * *

This _was_ the best idea ever. I laughed as Naruto and I collided. We were driving little mini cars made for kiddies. I thought I was going to die when he reversed into some lady's cart. 

"Sorry miss!" then he took off in his little car again.

"Wait up!" And I zoomed after him. I had no idea how we hadn't gotten kicked out yet. Of course, I probably just jinxed us by thinking that.

We fled past two kids looking at Barbie's, laughing the whole way. We rounded a corner nearly running into the wall.

I felt like a kid again as I stuck my tongue out at a little boy making a funny face at us. I rear ended Naruto and burst out laughing. I shut up when I herd someone talking to us.

"This isn't bumper cars." I looked up to see a very pissed of man wearing a…. Wal-Mart vest. Crap.

"I'm going to have to ask you two to leave." Yup, I had jinxed us.

Naruto and I got out of our cars silently and started walking towards the exit. Out of nowhere Naruto started laughing again. Then I started too.

Once we had got into his car it seemed oddly big, I guess because I had just been driving a car I was practically falling out of.

"Naruto, you are a fucking genius; that was so fun!"

He chuckled, "Wasn't it?!"

"So what do you wanna do now?" I glanced at the clock on the dash bored, 8:24. Dad still wasn't home yet.

"Umm…It's your turn to pick," what a cheater.

"Oh! I say we go hang out on my roof," my roof rocked and for one reason only; it was a roof. Come on, it's up somewhat high and your parents never wanted you up there. Sounds bomb to me.

"Alright, roof it is," and with that we drove back to my place; listening to my husband.

* * *

It was late enough to see the stars this time of year so that's what we did, look at the stars. 

"I remember doing this with Shikamaru and Chouji last summer and trying to get Ino to come up; she was too scared. We eventually got her to do it though, for like 30 seconds before she wanted down," I chuckled remembering.

"Yeah? Me and Sasuke used to go up on his roof and watch his neighbors. It's funny what people will do when they thing no one is looking."

"Ha! That's awesome. I love people watching; you notice people's habits when talking and stuff. Makes you wonder about your own," I looked away from the sky and over to Naruto. He was already looking at me.

"You tuck your hair behind your ear when you talk," he reached out to do just that for me. I was speechless.

"If you're telling a story; you use your hands. And if you're sitting down, you always hold your head up with your arm or something," he moved his hand to the side of my face to caress my cheek.

I had to say something, but what? When had his face got so close to mine?

"Naru-" he cut me off.

"And you bite you lip when your nervous," he was staring directly into my eyes and I was his. He had such beautiful eyes, I was about to tell him when his lips met my own. I can feel my heart pounding as his lips move against mine. My eyes close and my hand tangles itself in his soft hair. I feel his thumb stroking my cheek and I smile through the kiss. He pulled back too soon and I bit my lip. We both laughed when I realized what I was doing. We smiled at each other; I leaned in to kiss him again.

A car could be herd pulling into the driveway.

"You've got to be kidding me," why did Dad have to come home _now_?

"That's your Dad isn't it?"

"Yeah, we should get down." I scooted to the edge carefully and stepped on the fence. How I got up here in this skirt, I don't know. I hopped down and waited for Naruto.

We walked through the gate and to his car.

"I'll see you on Monday Naruto."

He leaned down to give me a peck on my lips. I hoped Dad wasn't looking through the window.

"See ya," he got into his car and drove away.

Maybe Ino was right about this being a date…

* * *

I'm almost scared to ask this 'cause then you guys are gunna think about it and agree with me. But was this a boring chapter? God, I hope not. 

Shika-Chan thank you for your marvelous input and ideas!

Well, peace.


	6. Sunny Imperfection

Okay, so I have a real excuse for the wait; I can't write romance. It is f.cking hard. And I find that very ironic considering the romance is my favorite part of any fic. But I tried and I posted it up here. Though I was so embarrassed and worried that it sucked I didn't want to. Shut-up, you have no idea how shy I am.

* * *

If you ever listen and I mean really _listen_ to lyrics, you will find so much more than you initially took the song for. Deep down beneath those beautiful words strung together with those wonderful notes is a story. Its crazy how many songs are wrote about me, and no one even knew they were doing it. 

I had plenty songs that told _my _story. Songs where someone lost who they once were, songs where everything fell apart, songs where people were putting up a lie, songs filled with regret, and lately love songs.

Anyone who laughed at that last part is just jealous.

But really, I'm on cloud nine and it's awesome. I used to laugh at those songs; calling the singers naive. I'm such a hypocrite.

So after calling Ino last night and admitting that, yes she was right, I decided I was seeing Naruto again ASAP. So it is Sunday and I'm sitting on Naruto's couch… in his arms.

I know I'm blushing and I just hope he's actually watching the TV and not my face. I was also praying to God that Iruka didn't come home anytime soon. I wasn't even entirely sure where he was; he was gone when I got here.

"Sakura-Chan, you're blushing."

'Damnit.'

I turned my head around to see that grin plastered on his face that I just _knew_ would be there.

"You know what Naruto?" I swing my legs over one of his and turned in his lap, "I have a reason to be blushing. What If Iruka came through the door and saw us?"

"So what? He won't care; we're not _doing _anything," that made my blush deepen.

'Oh he's just got it all figured out now doesn't he?'

"He won't be back from work for hours anyways."

I sighed knowing I'd lost and rested my head against his chest. Naruto wrapped his arms around me and I couldn't help but smile.

"Well, seeing as how we don't have to worry about him showing up; we _could_ do something…"

'He is kidding right? _That's_ how he woos me?'

"Naruto, this couch _faces_ your front door," If he thinks it is that easy…

"You know Sakura-Chan," he was lowering me to rest my head on the couch arm while he wiggled out from under me. His head was now close to my ear, his body hovering over mine.

'Should my heart be beating this fast?'

"You need to relax," his voice was a lot lower than usual and that wasn't helping my pounding heart.

He pulled away a little and our eyes met for a second before they shut and he was kissing me. This wasn't like our first kiss; there was so much more passion in this.

One of his hands found the bottom of my shirt and snaked its way to my waist, his thumb stroking my side. He licked my bottom lip asking for entrance which I complied; our tongues were caressing one another's. I had a hand on each of Naruto's shoulders, one of which I moved to his blonde hair.

We broke apart for air and his lips started trailing kisses down to my neck. They remained there sucking and licking at my skin insistently. I began playing with his hair; it was becoming one of my favorite things about him. I sighed in content.

"Naruto-Kun," I murmured softly. I felt him smile against my skin.

Then it started feeling _really_ good. He had worked his way down to the juncture between my shoulder and neck, lightly biting occasionally.

As if my erratic heart beat wasn't enough I was breathing ridiculously uneven- it was almost obnoxious. But I couldn't calm myself and now I was fighting back moans.

'My God, what is he doing to me?'

With one especially forceful suck, I lost it. I couldn't help it really; the sound just escaped my lips. Naruto pulled away and looked at my face, slightly shocked and amused.

I blushed hard core, and now he looked proud. Just to wipe that smirk off his face, I kissed him.

It's safe to say it grew heated fast; I was kissing back fervently. Completely lost in the moment, I bit his lip and slipped my tongue into his mouth; battling his for dominance. The hand that he had been propping himself up with lowered and we molded together. I began stroking his calf with my foot; consequently my thigh was rubbing against his leg.

My eyes shot open when I herd someone come through the front door. Naruto sat up in an instant, clearly shocked to see his dad come home from work early.

"Uhh…" Naruto was stumbling to find words. What was there to say?

I was mortified, and as much as I wanted to say something too, all I could think of was 'I told you so'.

"Sorry to interrupt. Don't mind me, carry on," with that, Iruka waltz his way to his bedroom.

"Apparently he wouldn't care if we _were_ doing something either," and there is that signature face; hand scratching the back of his neck and all.

I buried my face in my hands, still embarrassed.

'Holly crap, my face is hot.'

I felt his hand on my back and it made me look up. I was staring into two gorgeous pools of blue; they held such intensity, I wished I could read his face. I was getting good at it, but I hadn't mastered it yet.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead tenderly, "Go on my roof with me?"

"Any day."

We grabbed a blanket to lie on and headed outside. At first, I thought Naruto was going to jump the fence when he ran and hopped up on it. From there he leaped to the roof of his shed and looked down at me.

"Throw that up," he held his arms out ready to catch the blanket. He threw it on the roof of his actual house and beckoned me to come near him.

"Okay, gimme your hands," his arms were held out again. One thing was for sure, I wasn't letting anyone throw me.

I quirked an eyebrow at him, "What exactly is your plan?"

"To pull you up. Now when I do, try and walk up the wall."

'Wow, what a well thought out plan. I'll just walk up this wall like a ninja or something, brilliant.'

I grabbed hold of his hands regardless and was surprised when walking up the wall was more like running.

"Holly crap Naruto, how'd you do that?" I wouldn't lie, I was impressed.

"I'm a ninja," he said matter-of-factly.

'Oh goodie I have a mind reader for a boyf- crap, what _was_ Naruto?'

To get to the roof all we had to do was step onto it from the shed, too bad the other crap we had to do to get up here wasn't that simple. My roof had way easier access.

We were lying on the blanket, my head resting on Naruto's chest.

"Naruto-Kun?" When I was feeling such bliss like this, the 'kun' just slipped out.

"Hmm?" He lazily answered while playing with my hair.

"What are we, now I mean?" I must have been afraid of the answer because that was hard to ask, "We're not still just friends are we?"

"I'd hope not, I've been working my ass off," I sat up and turned to talk to his face.

"Oh you have not," I was teasing him, not really sure if he was kidding.

He just shrugged his shoulders and brushed it off.

"Still though," he reached out and held the side of my face, leaning in closer, "It would kill me to go back."

There it was that intensity again, one day I'll know what it means.

"Me too," it was barely above a whisper.

* * *

"Yes Ino, we're going out," how many times did she have to 'just check'? I was telling the truth, damnit. 

A squeal could be herd through the phone, "I'm so happy for you Forehead!"

"You know Ino, I'm happy too," I smiled as I said this; not on any level was that a lie. Actually, I was kind of ecstatic. That beautiful happy machine was mine, and wanted to be. I had my very own ray of sunshine that came willing, a _cute_ ray of sunshine too. And my God, that boy could kiss.

"Ino, I'm gunna go to bed now. Night," I waited for her response before I hung up the phone.

"Mom, if you're listening; I hope you're proud of me. I know you'd like Naruto, I wish you could meet him," tears glistened down my face in the moonlight shinning from my window.

'Can you ever be proud of me?'

* * *

Alright so I failed didn't I? What was I thinking writing a romance fic when I suck? My Gawd, I'll get better I promise. This just isn't a chapter I can be proud of.

Oh, and last night I couldn't fall asleep, so for hours I just thought about this story. I have the whole thing figured out now; it just might take some time to write it.

One last thing, I had trouble titling this chapter (titles are important to me). Usually I have Sakura think through something at one point in the chapter and it is normally very detailed; sort of the point of the chapter. I just derive the title from that. But I didn't put one in this time (this chapter is borderline filler) and I was stumped. Peace.


	7. Deceit

For the past week I've been wearing someone else's shoe on my right foot. I lead with my right foot. This shoe is leading me all over the place and it's making me feel like someone else. I think I've finally got the stubborn thing off. It is hard for me to want to write when I'm not myself.

"talking"

'thoughts'

* * *

So you know those days that totally rock? The days where you can't help but feel happy and everyone you talk to _knows_ you feel awesome? 

Yeah, I was _not_ having one of those days; today completely sucked. Every building I entered just kept _reminding_ me that everything sucked. I _so_ did not want to be here. All the hallways were covered with fliers for the school's karaoke night.

Yep, all the students and staff were invited to embarrass ourselves while attempting to sing old, lame songs that nobody likes; which is fun in my book. Or rather, it used to be. And _that_ was the problem. It wasn't fun anymore and it never would be.

Now, it hurt too much to think about. Because my mother thought it sounded fun too. And even though we couldn't sing to save our lives, we tried it. Despite the fact that the sounds emitting from us that night were ear-splitting, it was one of the best nights of my life. Later I realized that was due to the fact that I had done it with Mom. But no matter how badly it hurt to remember, I refused to forget. One thing I wasn't going to do though, was put myself through karaoke again. Because one, I sucked. And two, I know all I would think about is Mom; something I still wasn't good at doing without crying hysterically.

So now I am trying to get through today without doing just that, crying hysterically. It is super hard, especially when karaoke is all anyone wants to talk about. Luckily I have three beautiful friends that know not to bring it up.

"Hey Sakura-Chan, are you gunna do the karaoke thing?" I also have a beautiful friend that is not so informed. I would tell Naruto later, when I was aloud to cry. I wouldn't let myself here, in the crowded cafeteria.

"Sakura doesn't do karaoke and she doesn't like talking about it." This was one of the reasons I loved Ino; she wasn't going to bring it up and she wasn't going to let anyone else do it either, even if she had to be a bitch about it.

Naruto looked like he got slapped across the face before he composed himself and looked back at me questioningly.

"Later," I assured him.

He nodded and quickly changed the conversation. God I love these people, they save me from the big bad evil of this world. Some people call him Reality; I refuse to talk to him on days like these.

It was funny; the high Naruto had seemed to give me over the weekend dissipated as soon as I got to school this morning. Although, if Naruto kept smiling at me like he was now, perhaps I could get a little of it back.

Everyone was exiting the cafeteria and heading to their next class, I lingered behind.

I grabbed Naruto's arm and turned him to look at me, "Umm, I'll tell you about the karaoke thing after school. Okay?" I felt so vulnerable today.

Apparently Naruto could tell; he pulled me into a warm embrace and kissed the top of my head. "Alright, hang in there Sakura-Chan."

* * *

I really _was_ trying to hold myself together but it was getting near impossible. I wished I had my CD player with me so I could drown out all these conversations around me. I tried to think of other things but I just ended up trying to decide what drugs to ask Ryou for. I could get a different pill for every day this week; after Friday it would be all over and I could return to my normal self. 

Too bad I wasn't sure if I could wait till tonight. I might have to ask him after school.

"I'm defiantly going to Karaoke Night!" I could hear some girl squeal behind me.

'Scratch that, I _am_ going to get them after school. I refuse to endure this torture any longer. I'll just have to be sneaky about it.'

Why wasn't the teacher shutting everyone up anyways? Weren't we supposed to be _learning_?

When my last class had ended I speed walked over to where Ryou hung out after school, back behind the 600 building. I hoped no one was going to walk by and see me talking to Ryou… and who ever that was.

"Hey Ryou, hey…" I looked at the girl leaning against the wall. Her style reminded me that of a punk, the girl had black and _green_ hair. Though I guess I couldn't talk, mine being pink.

"Sup, I'm Kari," she seemed kind of lazy; reminded me of Shikamaru. Then I knew who she was.

"Oh right, Ryou's girlfriend?"

"Yeah. You're Sakura, right?" I wanted to ask how she knew that but I was in need of an escape right now. I simply nodded and faced Ryou.

"I'm going to need various pills for every day this week," I pulled out a wad of cash and my nifty little pill case and handed both to him.

Ryou never asked questions, he always seemed to understand that desperation to get high. Also, he trusted me. After all this time, he stopped counting the money. I watched him pocket it and begin putting pills into each section in my case. I relaxed slightly, knowing I was going to be okay soon. I could just go home and- shit. Naruto.

"Oh my God, Ryou I forgot! I need to be somewhere!" He closed all the tabs and handed me the container newly filled with pills.

"I'll call you later to ask about them, thanks," I ran off in the direction of Naruto's last class.

I was surprised when I already saw him heading my way. I prayed to God he hadn't seen me talking to Ryou.

"Naruto, I'm sorry you had to wait. I haven't been myself today and I just forgot."

He looked concerned rather than angry, "Its okay Sakura-Chan, I understand."

He took my hand and we began walking off campus.

Naruto is so understanding and sympathetic; it's almost unreal.

We had sat and talked in his car as I cried my eyes out, trying to explain. And of course, he got it. He just listened and held me while I pathetically bawled like a baby. A part of me thinks I don't deserve him. The other part knows that regardless, he will always be there.

He drove me home after that. I had only one thing holding back the panic of leaving him and returning to my empty room alone. It was my alternate way of coping with this storm of emotions and it was sitting in my back pack. One call to Ryou and I would have a map to shelter.

The idea of that shelter was amazing but sadly I could still see the rain hitting the windows, still hear the wind howling, still feel the cold seep through the crack under the door.

But the tears ceased and I could pretend, if only for a moment, that I was okay.

* * *

Tuesday wasn't much different. I counted the hours till I could return home and escape this hell. 

It is still hard for me to believe that no one has inkling what I do in my room all day.

I am pretty good at hiding it, you wouldn't know I had just swallowed a few muscle relaxers or snorted pain killers. It's not like I'm staring off into space in my living room either. I sometimes talk on the phone or listen to music in my room. I've even pulled off 'bonding' with my dad, which to him entails sitting in the same room and sharing a few words. I still eat dinner with him and do my chores too. It's rather easy really, and Dad suspects nothing. I _act_ completely sober. However, I feel totally gone. I'm floating around the house yet Dad sees my feet planted on the ground. My mind is clouded and still, Ino hears reason in every sentence.

When I first learned to do it I took pride in my acting skills. Later I thought it sad that I had had so much practice. I still do, none the less I won't look at it as a negative. If anyone were to find out my little secret, my world would come crashing down around me. How could anyone understand that I _needed_ this? They wouldn't. They would judge me. They would be disappointed in me. They would never forget it. They would never look at me the same again. I would never be the Sakura they knew, because she was never there in the first place. I don't know how to deal with that.

* * *

Before you get all upset about me throwing in another OC, know that her role is extremely small but still holds importance. Also she's my best friend's OC; it was sort of a Christmas present putting her in here. 

Thank you for the lovely reviews so far!


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